sweetembrace

2006-09-24T03:29:00.000-07:00

without realising , i've been in hostel for one mth two weeks . im getting sick of the life there . people there are all insane . how long do i still have to take it hurs? fuck it aight ? staff there are like soo bias? hurs ? im fuked up by their attitude cans? hurs? im really tire of this . i've made a choice . i absconded . i really cant take it anymore .

i'll just let everything end in this way .
remember me ; im your dearest .
shine <33s

2006-08-29T23:52:00.000-07:00

well , been darn fuking long since i update my blog .
i went into remand in sgh for one mth . well , i reflected darn fuking loads there . im lucky that my dom-mates are all kind soul and most of them had already grown up and start to think maturely . they influenced me . 13hours per day sitting on the floor , shut up and think bout what i had done . well , im such an idiot in the past and im like soo darn naive to even believe aliens invade earth . haas . now im in hostel , gracehaven . i've learn to be strong although i still cant adapt to the life there . without freedom its like livinghell .

well , i've got to know friends there too . but somehow its not like friends outside . they aint that caring. hais . hmms ? im back to sku and i have to prove to everyone that im a changed person . i have to and i need to . frankly , most people in the hostel dont like me . because im just to noisy and its becus i want my time to pass faster . sigh . i need to change myself a lil more in order to know someone better . sigh .

6words i've learned ;
i admit and learn from mistake .

2006-07-13T01:50:00.000-07:00

well , im suffering in sku !!
in class , im always alone . im really sick of this kind of treatment .
who else can i talk to except miko ? pris dont even wna speak to me .
hais . what a classmate . whenever i tried to talk to her , she always become quiet and make me feel like she dont wanna talk to me . IM SICK ! hais . why the hell should i get this kind of treatment ? hais . well , i know i should be happy , she had already get over the past and lead a brand new life with her new good friends . but IM STILL HOLDING ON ! i still reminsces of our laughter of joy , tears of sorrows and hunger of playfulness . hais . what more does she want ? i need a fren ..

sigh .
enough , enough .
who would understand how im feeling deep inside now .
who would know what im thinking now .
no one even if i said it out .

i dont find a need to stay back anymore .
soon enough , i go on a leave .
mia ...

-still a child with a immature thinking -
let me play a few more days , trust me ...
i'll think it thru and once im back in action ,
it would be me NO MORE .

2006-07-09T23:42:00.000-07:00

guess im at whose hse now?
oh well , im at cheryl's hse now .

well , she's kind enough to let me use the comp .
i dont know why i just dont feel right gg to school .

i somehow feel fuked up by my friends in sku .
when i know no one treasures me . oh well .
esp her . she no longer give a damn .

im like soo lonely in school .
surviving on my own in sku .
in class , i sit alone , i mumble to myself .
when i got questions about work . i dare not speak out .
thinking that ppl in class might think im noisy .
hais .

when ling got whacked by my friends in rush .
i cant do anything except to say pls dont do that .
but what happen in the end ? she still got whacked up .
her blood just run down her face , and all i can do is to help her to the toliet and help her wash up . what kind of cousin am i ? sucks . i cant even help her fight back when she's fighting with that girl .

and thanks all this to xue .
if its not becus her , ling wont kena all this .
And she still think of running away when ALL of us are in the toliet .
WTH !

oh well ..
im falling apart ..
i dont know what are my goals in life .
im like walking aimlessly .

thinking of pretty and cute .
haas , but ..
hais .

well , i know i'll never get the attention walking on street even if i slim down . becus irwin says my bones are big . sigh . what am i looking forward for ? hais . i just want a lil more attention and a lil more l0ve and care from others . i just want FRIENDS who will understand me . hais .

scattered dream ;

2006-07-04T18:59:00.000-07:00

since sku reopened , i've only attend sku for about 4 or 5 times ?
maybe its becus i dont find a need to go sku anymore . somehow i just feel bad .
in sku , except for eugene they guys , i hardly speak to anyone .
in class , except for miko , noone talks to me .

when i went back to cantonment to report , no one knows except for crystal .
who still give a flying fuck about me ? hais .
when i know im being charged , who knows im AFRAID .

sigh .
and now i find it soo difficult to accept that no one actually love me .
4mths , how am i gna survive thru .
fina year examination coming FAST , what am i gna do .

sigh .
what should i do .
i just feel sorry for mum .
she always bring high hopes , but each time i just make her feel dissappointed .
what else am i good at except for rotting ?

im feeling soo right down now .
no one knows , each time ppl say they would make me feel better . they are like adding more to my stress .
im getting soo sick of things . so tire of life .

teach me how to forget everything .
maybe i need brainwashing .
or should i knock my head against some HARD rock so i can get lost memories ?

hais .
soo sick ...

2006-06-28T23:13:00.000-07:00

oh well , im back to sku again .
feels soo wierd wearing school uniform and gg to sch .
sucks lahs . went school and my bloody hell hair got caught .
aight . i swear i HATE school .

spent my days with crystal and guys at bugis .
i just simply love them so much . my kah kee x)) !
esp AHBAO cum CAICAI , keked . im his FEIFEI x(( !

aight .
but still , i never enjoy much with anyone nor anywhere .
i still feel as bad as befor . soo lifeless .
fuk up . esp when im back to school .
i have to face her and ppl who detest me .
sucks . who knows how i feel . NO ONE .

she dont take a single glance at me anymore
she dont hang out with me anymore .
she dont talk to me anymore .
she doesnt care about me anymore .
aight , now i know i dont have friends in class .

im ALONE !

-sigh-

2006-06-24T01:39:00.000-07:00

went out with crystal at 11pm ystd night .
LOLS ! that was the first time i went to SOMERSET at 11pm lahs .
thanks to her LAST MINUTE decision .

l0ls . we went to music underground cans ?
lols . she was afraid that she couldnt get in as she dint bring her ic out .
hmms . so i was like . OK ..

aight . i knew he SEXAY fren inside .
they're all kind souls who accompanied me throughout the night .
joking and crapping with me .
crystal and me took pictures in toliet . LOLS !

a nice shot hurs x= ?

i edit the photo until like fuk cans x= !!

i GIVE UP editing . sucks . i cant believe im sucha NOOB !

at around 3plus A.M , cecelia and kimomo came over to mu .
thanks to dolphin who signed them in . yeahs .
had some retarded style of dancing .

saw zq thr .
oh well ... you know what happen nxt .
i shoo darn far away from him .
well .. i cried on kimomo shoulder . i dont know why x( !

well . went home after that .
everybody mood got spoiled by my CRIES .
sorrie dude =((

well .. i spoke to cecelia and crystal when we're in cab .
i guess that was the first time i had this dumb feeling .
im like their children and they're like ADULT listening to my DUMBCOCK .
thanks anyway .

they told me lotsa things about life and love + friendship .
everything they say is like soo true . haas .
im still young . i hadsnt finish looking at every corner in the world .
im still a tadpole .

had some serious tots befor i turn in this morning .
somehow , i felt that . theres no true fren or buddy in this world .
we always stand on our feet and learn to be independant .
trying to reach out for a helping hand at times can be a wrong decision .
having too many friends can bring in more disaster .

i wont know who is good or bad .
seriously , im already in the confusion of black and white .
ppl embracing me are getting on my nerves and im really pissed off by some of their thinkings . they never tried to understand what their friends are in need of . they think that standing by their side is call FRIEND . ya right . DUMBFCUK !!

2006-06-23T02:13:00.000-07:00

dummie ervin .
bastard ervin .
idiotic ervin .

you're soo cute & bubbly aight ? i sooo dote on you lahs xD !

you're soo fuk up & violence . at times , i hope i can just box you right on your face .

you're soo dumb & idiotic . i hope you can get some senses into your head .

you're sooo sentimental & lovely . a lil brainless to have sucide tots over relationship .

you aint alone even if the one you love leaves you . because ....
you're sooo deeply loved & cherished by your dearest bitch shine ;

2006-06-20T12:30:00.000-07:00

oh well .

im all about sex this time .
fuk it all man . its all honeylicious aight .

when no one give a damn fuk about holy virgin .
when everyone thinks that losing virginity is NORMAL .
aight , im thinking this way too ... without a BRAIN .

right after 270506 , i met my new guy .
we only lasted for ... 1 week .
which ended on monday hurs?
aight . NS guys are all bastard .
esp . JURONG freaks .

being fuked up by his attitude and pissed off by his thinking .
oh well , flirting around aint any big deal hurs .
WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT IT ?
go round fucking all materialistic girls .
go round flirting with all girls you know .
but why must you make it l0ud ?
why dont you just keep me in the dark .
so i would l0ve you MORE ? hurs ?

aight .
i should say , i found it out myself .
but you are the ONE who dint kept ure MSGs properly .
DUMBFCUK !

and you're still pushing the blame to me .
saying that the problems comes from me ?
when you dont even know he's a GAY , my BUDDY ?!
admitting wrong is a good thing , but why MUST you admit all you SINS infront of ME ?!
you know how much hurts you brought to me although it werent as deep as the one BEFORE ?

freaked up .
why did you chose to leave , when my feeling grows towards you ?
hurs ?
pretty boy , you dont know i wanted how much to HAVE you by my side .
now , its OVER . go ahead and do whatever you want towards any girls out there .

but PLEASE ,
dont do such things towards my PIECUTIE .
she aint your type .

dont apologise because you took it away .
because , in 3 mths time ...
i MAKE SURE , you'll CRAWL back to me .

DONT DEPISE ME BECAUSE OF MY LOOKS & SIZE .
I SWEAR , ONE DAY I'LL BE THE ONE WHOM MAGGOTS WOULD ENVY .
BE THE GIRL of MOST GUYS DESIRE for .
MARK MY WORDS ~

2006-06-15T02:54:00.000-07:00

spent 3 days with ervin . l0ls .
il0vehim manymany .

monday , ton over at ervin hse .
tuesday , ton over at shanling hse .

manymany things we said to each other .
he know mine , i know his .

ilovehim .
keked .

l0ls .
well , and we do know many many thing about each other .

ervin soo VIOLENT !
he BOX me .

l0ls .
shanling soo sweet .
l0ls .

end .

2006-06-09T04:33:00.000-07:00

went geylang for the past 2 days .
had fun there , walk around and see chicks .
goddamn , i dint know they have such good fig and they good looking aight .
and they oso have agents de sias . lols . their agents soo beng and yandao .
LOLS ! ystd , went to geylang with jason and huiling . LOLS !
then jason's fren tht " yandao " come drive us go rounding . LOLS !
kinda fun luhs . we stopped at yishun there . the civil defence blablabla de .
lols . we craps there cans ? lols . and make use of the nature as our toliet . LOLS !
took some picture of jason . he's just soo darn hell cute cans ? sucky !
he sooo 不要脸 , keep on say alot ppl say he cute . rahhs !
and i kept say im CUTER ! LOLS ! share his dumb face with you guys .

i've got no comments anymore .
Thats all for today xD !

2006-06-06T14:26:00.000-07:00

oh well ...
its o523am in the morning now , and im fuking irritated by my mum .
kaox . i dont understand why i have to be controlled this way .. i just hate it soo much can s? im like being grounded . so what if i got freedom outside ? when my freedom at home is like sooo limited ? and every movement of mine is being supervised . im like jailed up . goddamn . oh mama , save me will you . just stop staring at the computer screen now and get the hell out of this room ... im not kidding , GET OUT befor i really get fed up .

im soo darn fuked up by things out ther and now , intel things are makin me explode in no time . wont they spare a tot for me ? oh nonono . they wont , they wont even know im trying to be the perfectionist . be the best daughter they ever had . and now , im like ... forget it .

sucks , and each time i try to be nice to friend , they always take me for granted . hurhuhs . im getting poorer each day . ppl often borrow money from me and NEVER return . fuk up . you know , those sum of money is soo darn impt to me ? sucks , you wont know , you think im RICH ! fuk it all .

what are friends for ? to stab you from behind or to confront you infront ? lols . what a word FRIENDS ! sucks . im tire of being poor and im tire of life . i try EVERY way to be wonderful , but none appreciated . WTF ?! haas . enough .

baby , im putting a full stop .
after today , i'll NEVER speak your name again .
you live in my memories .

i masih sayang you .

2006-06-03T02:28:00.000-07:00

the words you once meant , i never try to understand . i feel like crying , but no tears are left within me to shed . i couldnt bear the pain no more . i feel soo lifeless without you . my heart died the moment i receieve the msg with 3 words ' who are you ' . i can NEVER be stong again . trying to be the wonderful gf , be a wonderful fren are only a foreplay . i clap alone . im always the willing part , the thick skinned one . perhaps , we should never had met . we shouldnt had let it happen . im all WRONG ~ i shouldnt had call you baby , and why should you ENTERTAIN me ~ . i fall sooo deep into your trap . i couldnt get out . and now , i can hardly breathe . cuts aint enough anymore . i couldnt feel the love inside . my meaningless voice . a voice you can never hear .

seriously , im real sick of life . life is full of flaws . ppl always say life is full of up and down . but why are my downs without a ending . in the past , i never knew i have to force out a smile like this . i never knew i have to face all this maggots . being judged . no one knows . im like a empty shell . sucks .

my life , my style , my journey .
all gone ~

2006-06-01T04:06:00.000-07:00

1 week w/o his mges , 1 week without his care , 1 week w/o his love .
im dying . lack of love . lack of supervision . i love him real loads .
BABY , you dont know how much i love you . no one does .

everyone just pushing the blame around , round and round , and im always the one carrying the blame . i hate the feeling . i hate to be used . im fat , yes i am . but wont you just keep your mouth shut and stop the jokes about me . if you were in my shoe , i make you a laughing stock , would you like it ? sucks . you wont understand how i feel . everyone loves me and no one loves me . haas . whad a line . i no longer wanna stay between you and them . just let me repeat this . I CAN BE A BITCH BUT NOT A HYPOCRITE ! im not ... i tried every way to be nice to friends around me . but who does cherish me ? no one do . i always tried to be good , to be nice .. ppl surrounding me taught me to be tough and hard , to be cruel , to accept the reality , the truth . who cares when im depress ? who know when i fall out of love . which 'good fren' would know if i commit sucide ? haas . i bet no one would until someone tell them . no one would know im gone . time will heal the pain ? time bring in more pain .

if i have the courage to ,
i'll long vanish into the maze of life .
dissapear forever .

2006-05-31T17:14:00.000-07:00

nono . no more baby .
fast hurs ? we broke up . lols .
yeahs . BROKE UP ! past .

im like a kid who lost my way and unwittinly intruded your quiet life , now i guess its time i return you your tanqulity life and leave to somewhere i belong .

would you get anxious and get the world upside down JUST to look for me if im gone ?
would you always remember our evanscent love ? our burn-ed off memories ?
would you still bother about my life , would you still care about my existence ?
would you still tell me im CHERISHED ? -daydreaming-

i dont need any arguement and quarrelling to make me depress and angry . i dont have to see you with other girls to make me tears . i dont have to . your 3 words make me fall from a thousand storey high . a wonderful ' who are you ' .

you delted me in your memories , you backspaced my existence in your life . you do EVERTHING you can just to forget me . am i really tht worthless ? you brought me up and down . the sugar bitterness you brought into my life . you walk out like how you walk in . l0ls . im too dumb .

every breath of mine , i hold you by my side , what about you ?
in your arm i live , in your heart , im dead .
if thats a dream , i dont wish wake up .
i cant believe that im still alive . haas .
i screwed up my life .

seeing hopw one person in the world that means everything to me has shown me that im nothing to them . Go on , its not like it matters .

soon , i'll really be gone .

2006-05-29T00:46:00.000-07:00

finally .
my blog is flooded with ppl detesting me again . i fuking dont understand why they love to discriminate in blogs . if they aint happy with me . why not just come out and say it right in my face ? isnt it bettter . its not like i'll whack you up or what . hurhuhs ? in fact i'll thanks you for saying out .

i changed real much . i dont even know who i am now . it seems like everything just goes wrong . im blamed for things i shouldnt be blamed . im accused of things i've never done . im being negleced . my life seems to be negative now . sucks . im soo tire of all this . -sigh-

im like telling myself , BLEED BLEED and BLEED .
sucks .

2006-05-25T17:47:00.000-07:00

woots .
spent the whole night with baby ystd . watch him play bball and eat the oreo cheesecake i brought for him . wurlalas . he FED me with tht . omg . hahas . and he wanted me to do the same thing as jason and ling is doing . sucks . let him lie on my lap . godd . hahahs . he's SWEET ! baby i love you .

aight , been days since i last blogged ? wanna know why ? becus i ran out of the hse and never came back until today . and im dumb to forget my username and pw . lalalas . hahahs . aight . well , these few days , loads of thoughts ran thru my mind about life . haas . that was like a dream i had . sucks .

aight . let me first start off with relationship . aight ..
although i have a lovely baby now , i somehow know this is puppy love . i know we wont last . memories can only be kept . i'll learn to let go if we're separated . hurhuhs . i believe each and everyone of us have been loved b4 . you know the feeling to lose someone dear to you ehs ? yeahs . so , i'll just treat my BELOVED as someone who's destined to stop and help me with a part of my life .

family ..
they're the closest to you hurs . perhaps im just to stubborn to accept that i've a case now and they care for me . i rebell to get my restricted freedom . i felt a gap between my fam and me . i'll NEVER realise how much they love me and care for me . thus , my actions always hurt them deeply . my results and achievement always dissapoint them . compared to my 2 elder brother . im a failure . maybe i should spend more time at home and communicate more with them which i think is IMPOSSIBLE . sucks . i'll just leave it the way as it is now . i dont wanna change anything .

friends ..
loyalty , faithful , trustworthy .
thats just a word to be said . friends ? i have MANY . but which one can i actually sit down and talk heart to heart with them? hurs? nahs . actually . there is ... but , their betrayal make me lose all the confidence in myself . i hate it all .. i built up the trust within myself , i spread out the trust . but why ? everyone tends to forget my kindness and never appreciate my forgivness . i may had overrated myself . my behaviour make people around me detest and depise me . they often think that im wrong , im wrong , always in the wrong . but i dont think im wrong trying to protect my dearest from harm and i dont think tht loving them with my heart is a wrong . but one thing im sure , the way i expressed out my feelings is in a mess . haas . i always took friends more importantly than family . im all prepared to die and serve my friends . haas . but each time i wanted to , friends around me start to show me tht im just a SHIT to them . haas . my heart frozed at this moment . haas . who would actually sacrifice something when they have to lose smth in their life ? who would make their friends their lord in their heart ? who will protect friends from harm when they themself are in deep shit ? i dont think anyone would . and those who would are the greatest IDIOT in the world . because things they do for their friends are all wasted . no one would appreciate it .. they will only morn if you're dead and shed a few tears to act like they're SAD during your funeral . how many would rmb the things you;ve done for them when you're still alive ? haas . perhaps , they will rmb JUST FOR A FEW MONTHS . haas . i've come to light . i know i need no friends like this . keeping things to ownself will do . be selfish .. haas . thts whad ' FRIENDS ' taught me .

my life matters no more .
go on and stab me from behind .
i'll disappear from your sight soon .

2006-05-22T02:27:00.000-07:00

opps , baby sleeping behind me now . teehees ((: .
i thanks baby for the sweetness of his bed . and of cus i thanks him for his companion .
iLOVEwenlong baby load .
darling , see your namey thr ? keked .
you taught me how to be lady-like , you make me ure lady .
you encouraged me to be strong , and now im yours .
you make me your girl , now you're mine till the veryvery end .

weets , went to rush on sat with ervin bastard and lingling tht grp .
feeufeet sehs . alot ppl went thr . but some bastard spoil spot . the called me and say wanna whack me till i go nana . haas . they say wanna wait for me outside my sku with knifes and all that . they wannt kill me , chop me . omg . save me ~ .

thanks liping . she solved it all . and i guess its all prank call . they're all the fuking bastard . judgemental ppl with no butt . rahhs . no use calling using a private num and telling me all the cock words without any prove . why wont you guys just tell me im rude to which of ur bro ? haas . omg . scary . im not a lian or whad , why must you guys find me prob ? sucks , this shows that , you guys love to set up good child xD !

anyway , i love huimin gerger , touie and friends . keked . they brought me joy in rush . lianie make me a fool infront of her firends . omg . haas . she says her guy friends wanna get my num which i think ihs bullshit . and ihs xiaobai tht grp . omg . impossible .

lalas.
ilovedear .

2006-05-19T15:14:00.000-07:00

yeahs . i guess , it had been a week plus with baby liaos . i sooo fuking love him . dharling . im sorrie for ure strawberry . pain hurs ? hahahs . rahhs . ask you dont playplay liaos . rahhs . keked . dharling love baby sooo much can ? keked .

anyways . things NEVER changed . i still dislike her . she dont smile at me anymore . she dont laugh becus of me anymore . she dont say things becus of me . not beucs of me anymore . haas . it had all ended , we like a stranger come friend . ppl will only come find me when they have things to ask or need me . haas . strange hurs ? friends aint suppose to be like this .

dont be proud of ure words . dont be proud to hear tht ppl saying you sacastic . you may think hurting a person is fun . but dont you think you're being cruel ? haas . i've realise tht when others " PRAISE " you for being mean and sacastic . you get happy . when other says you're wonderful at shooting words , you get proud . haas . things aint suppose to be like this .

girl , i guess its time for you to wake up and know whad the hell you're doing . you're getting out of control . friends wont allow you to do things they think its wrong . so what if we argue over small things . you never know i want you to be good . i mentioned nothing abt all this . i cherished you . bud whad happen after we tio this case ? haas . everything changed . im like the only one handling all this . im stress enough . plus sku like , friendship , you and ure attitude towards me . its enough for me hurs ? CHANGE will you ? haas . i dont think you will . i know whad i say you wont listen anymore . haas . i've done my part . enough of my pampering and protecting . i hate ure life now .

2006-05-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

sucks . dint have the chance to use com this few days . and im like suffering at home cans?
but thanks to nick they guys . and of cus . my baby . LONG ! i love you so much can? hahahs . darling , you know since saturday words coming out from ure mouth touches my heart . ure sweettalk , ure pampering , your hse , your everything . its like my life now . so what its only a few days ? i just simply love you . fuk those who dont believe my love towards you . our love gonna last as long as possible . you're all MINE ! i enjoyed the days with gerger , queenie , touie , blablabla . hahahs . i love them sooo much . they're different from ppl in sku . so whad they are sacastic ? so whad they can be a lil annoying ? at least i know they will be the first to know when i cries .

life in sku sux now . results , studies ~ oh well . im tire of all this . sucks .
hais . friends in sku sucks too . they aint understanding . when i need help in studies . none used their heart to teach me . they thinks that im hopeless . they thinks that i give up studying . they thinks that im a ah lian . a GANGSTER ! im soo hopeless now . my life get upside down . things i've been doing make me realiase im in WRONG ! haas . whad a joke . each day , im stressed about you . i tried to protect you from harms . i tried to prevent things from happening . i tried to be nice . i tried getting close to you . but you ? you thinks that im unreasonable , you thinks that im hot tempered . you thinks that i starts my scolding without knowing the truth . you thinks that im getting worst each day . you starts to avoid me . i know you wont be reading this . i know i know . haas . you care no more for all this lil things . i know its time for me to stop all this . i know .

maybe we know each other too much . we're too close till we starts to hate each other bad points . i wonder , will you still ask me out if im not there? will you ask me to join you girls after sku ? haas . i doubt so . i guess i wont be nxt to you eating beside you . im just being irritating and sticky to you . i wanna join in the fun you girls having . i wanna be friends with you girls again . a white piece of mindset you girls will give me . which i know is IMPOSSIBLE ! haas . i dont blame you for speakibng to me in the tone . i realise , each time we try to communicate to each other , we'll start arguing or quarrelling . haas . maybe its time i leave you .

say goodbye to our past ; goodbye my girl .
wave hand to cheesecake ; puke out tiramisu .
rotten , spoil . tasty cakes wannabe . -gone-

2006-05-09T06:26:00.000-07:00

have you realise , the words we said to each other get lesser as each day pass? haas . perhaps you dont . but im suffering like hell in school . i hate school life soo much now . i go to sku because i have to . i dont find a meaning anymore . you use to be the one becus of you and friends encouragement . but now . everything just get fucked up . i dont find a need to have friends in sku anymore . i felt as if im stabbed and im already dead . no one cares for my existence . my soul kept wandering about . im sure if i dont speak . none would know im there . life getting more and more meaningless . my family my friends my love my studies . haas . all gone . my future ~ unpredictable . im just dreaming of dying . a feeling i NEVER had befor . a desperation i getting . a love im finding . a true friend i need . haas . whats all this about ? ure expression on ure face really piss me off . dont give me the tone of speaking . i dont owe it to you . even if i do , dont SPEAK TO ME IN THAT WAY ! i hate it real much . if you dont realise how miserable i am , and dont understand me . pls , dont call me a sister . im NOT . haas . aight . well oh well . our sister bond already gave us away . the trust is no longer there . haas . life we're leading no longer the same . and im sure you wont visit my blog and read all this . you already gave up your hope on me . i feel soo useless . yahs . i NEVER come through a good friend befor and im sure you dont . because ppl close to you gets to be gossipped behind . haas . i wondering whad you're becoming . a real BITCH ! i simply cnt find a word to describe .

if you're angry when you read this . come straight and confront me right in my face . i had had enough of all this childish manner . im tire of being said behind by you . im tire of guessing whad you're saying behind me . you might say i think too much ~ but ask yourself . why would i think this way . its because you gave me the thinking . im getting worry for you . what will you become as time passes . you're a SPOILT PRINCESS . yarhs right . i dont come from a rich family , im not a good girl . i lose you in everyway . in looks in fig in studies in money . yeahs ~ haas . but at least i know , i've grown more mature as i walk thru the darkness , fighting for my own rights , standing on my own feet . perhaps , we know each other too well , love had already turn into hatred . like others , im sad over our ending . maybe its hadsnt ended . but i WONT continue with this kind of situation . NO ! -sigh- losing you soon .

im lost all lost .
im the girl you will NEVER invite as a guest to ure palace .
thus , i wont get to see you - the PRINCESS .
knowing how you're leading inside . its OVER ~

2006-05-05T06:17:00.000-07:00

i fucked up all things .
oh well, you did a wonderful job by letting all ure trust fade ~ i guess i stand in ure heart no more . you're like a princess , bossing me around . like a princess wanna be a boss . i cant stand ure attitude no more . i cherish this sistership for fuck . i just want be nice to you but why did you make me hate you more each day . the expression on ure face , the tone and way you speak to me are like FUCK can? i gave in all that i could . i attract your attention in whatever way i could . but why ? why must you give a damn about me . im tire of doing all this . im sure , tons of things you said bout me behind . im like a fool knowing nothing about it . but im sure my instinction tells me you hate my everything . -sigh- and im sure im right . i dont know what i did . but wont you just tell me whad i do wrong . hais . my life got so screwed up but no one was thr for me . my life got in such big mess yet no one helped me .

i never thought that my life would get soo down . i never know i could be defeated by all this . i couldnt breathe . im losing out . fading away . perhaps . im already half dead /.

2006-05-02T03:52:00.000-07:00

ihatemylife .
i simply hate everyone surrounding me .
perhaps , im just so irritating that makes ppl around me detest me so much .
or maybe i should say they never tried understanding me before .

no one knows how im leading this few months .
im like a living dead .
put on a mask and smile like nothing happen .

im worned out by this kinda life .
leading a life like this aint easy .
i never wanna be myself anymore .

friendship are like a boat .
it wont sink until something cause the boat to have a hole .
likewise , we wont feel the pain until someone stab thru our heart .

sisterhood ? forever ?
i've never believed in this words . until the day i found her .
only realising she's my friend when we're in sec 2 .
i cherish her , pamper her , love her .
i tot this sistership would last .
i've NEVER doubt about our trust .
but now , its seems to be weak .
i lose all confidence in our sisterhood bond .

maybe i've changed too much , or maybe you changed too much .
the feeling im having now aint like the past we have .
you would say everyone changes , but i never tot you can be such a bitch .
ya right , im a bitch too . but why do you have to be one too ?
its unfair to me , people who knows you i transformed you into monster .
yes , i admit im partly wrong . i shouldnt had brought you out to know gangster .
its all my fault . but why must you be influence by them ?

your words today hurt me deeply .
your actions pierced through my heart .
your behaviour make me feel disgusted .
your way of talking make me wanna leave you .

perhaps , your mum are right in saying that i implicated you into this case .
i make you my accomplice if im caught in stealing .
maybe its all right . im just unaware of things happening around me .
im too dumb to be said .

its all over .

my life ,

my results ,

my love ,

my everythings .

all gone ~

2006-04-27T07:44:00.000-07:00

haas .

getting more and more shag of things staying near to me .
exams coming , and im still like slacking all the way . i wonder what my future will be like . and tht fuking case , dragging on and on . im fuking tire of the waiting and worrying . -puke- as each day pass , my fears get stronger . and things never seem to be changing better . i could feel the grief from the bottom of my heart .

sucks . i wonder what friends are for . i began to doubt people around me . are they true or not . they gave me a min of happines and another min of sadness . my tears could have rolled down today at 1246pm today . load of things just ran thru my mind , telling me the toughness of going against the people i'll met in my life . since 1 yr ago , i tot i've met a friend i tot we could go on FOREVER . oh yars , maybe im just too naive to be believing in tht FOREVER ! haas . what a joke . sucks , till today , i realise , i've NEVER met a true friend before .

people often say we cherish people around us ONLY after losing them . i dont think so . i cherish her like no one else i've done . protecting her was like my job . she's the ever first friend i tried to cover up for . maybe its becus for a period of time , i've no one to talk to and at tt time , she appeared infront of me and tried to be my best friend . but why .. everything changed? i did sooo many thing , or rather i should say im just a attention seeker . i wan everyone to know my existence . but what happen ? none cared about me . no one pulled me back even when they know im wrong .

they gossip , they stab . but why am i the one ? sucks - if she could say such lousy thing abt her friend who used to be soo close to her , why wont she say about me ? -sigh- maybe , i've already been their target . perhaps im over sensitive . but my institution NEVER goes wrong . SHE knows me . she knows , i'll really go crazy . she knows , i'll die if im alone . thats a nono treatening . i just want them to feel how i feel inside . just let me be a min of selfish . let me know they still care for me .

maybe ,
my BEST place as a friend in your heart had already been replaced .
perhaps , with jx sw na , you would be happier .

2006-04-25T03:45:00.000-07:00

erms ?
well . i realise something . im getting more and more irritating . i getting more and more fed up with my life . sucks . and im getting tire of everything and everyone . i just cant feel the warm and love giiven .

each time i cant find my friends around me , i get frighten yet angry . each time i get angry . my heart aches . -sigh- whad the fuk i want ? haas . maybe maybe im already dead inside . i cnt feel anything anymore . its not the past anymore . i cant find myself laughing from the bottom of me . i just feel soo uncomfortable laughing with friends . i felt soo fake , like a faker inside me .

maybe , everyone is selfish . they always care for themself first . yups . i am too . but why am i always giving to ppl around me when i know they aint true to me anymore . somehow , i feel soo lost and confuse by the people getting close to me everyday . im sick by the way they behave . irritated by the way they speak . disgusted by the way they handle things . they aint any true friends . yesyes . maybe koko is right saying this . she asked me if i ever come across true friend . i couldnt ans her . i know myself . i've NEVER . now i know . im really that lonely .

i always wanna be the one to do nice and sweet for my friends and people around me . but why are they doing this kind of hurtful things towards me . real tire of all this . each and everyone of us are destined to meet different people and go thru the ups and down with them . but how many would stay by your side to share the burden with you ? no . i doubt so . everyone wants for their own good . who would wanna share the heavy burden with you . maybe im just one of them , always alone .

i tot i've found a life partner to stay with but now , i guess , she's still not the one . haas . i dont know why i feeling this way . i just feel soo irritated by the way she's doing thing now . maybe she changed and i changed and time changed things changed and this cause our sisterhood to change . maybe maybe . haas . i never knew our bond was fragile . im sure , you're still hiding alot of things from me . aight . enough of all this .

thanks me for my words .
thanks me for my advice .
thanks me for my fuking up time .
thanks me for my everything i've done .

2006-04-20T02:39:00.000-07:00

oh hell , you know wad happen ? i did a wonderful job .
the embarass thing i did in class spread to another class .
thanks to ashwin luhs . he recorded the conversation i had with karim during tt quarreling .
fuk it man . sucks . and thanks to ppl around me can ?
haas . whad the fuk happen ? i be good person to speak for you . and you're the one who's turning against me?
oh hell . thanks . i've got nth to say .

lemme say again .
IM NOT A LIAN !

2006-04-17T07:15:00.000-07:00

haas . yaya . all my fault . when it comes to badmouthing others . all fingers point on me . just becus im thr when you girls gossip or becus i talked tooo much when im with you girls? hurs? when it comes to bgr ? im always at fault , i give in, im still wrong . SUCKS ! whads the world becoming ? godd ~ had big misunderstanding with pauline . nb . just because i went swimming with you and cheryl ? just becus IM with you ? just becus IM there ? to listen is a wrong choice . to say out is a sin , and solving it is a crime ? SUCKS ! i know i know . im easy to be set up . bud why is it me ? i SWEAR i've NEVER try to make it become so worst . and why are EVERYBODY pushing arnd the blame ? dare say duh dare admit ? want hate a person is easy , bud why wanna hide about it ? EXCUSES at this moment will be out . and many will say , it hurts other. HURT others ? you know what the meaning of HURT ? oh thank godd . you understand it ? haas . i doubt it . if you do , why say behind ? giving the excuse " im just speaking the fact about it " hahas . whad a joke ! cries'hine .

come on luhs .
you girls know who you are .
not pris not who . is you . the one i spoke soo much to ..
yaya . im always soo dumb to trust someone easily .
now i know whad lesson im learning from .
BACKSTABBERS and FUCKERS around me ,

and fuk tht cheapo bitch . fucking with guys ? ure hobby ? hahas .
now i know , she can act soo well . flirt so well , bitching around . snatching other bf ~
hahas . esp ,, when tt someone ihs ure CLOSEST . how can you fuking face her?
wher do you hide ure face at ? you take ure hse as a hotel ? oh yarhs . sorries ,, i've got no right to say this . but why .. you know him from here , and bathed and fuked him at ure hse ? you know how bad it is when i heard this ? a 1 day friend and you let him fuk you inside out ? how cheap can you be ? you insulted ure parents indirectly . you say you wanna be a prostitute without getting aids ? DREAM ON ! you're too dirty to be described . how many more time would you wanna be fuked by a 1 day guy ? HURS ? or maybe you shuld go clubbing now ? wear more sexy ? doing dirty dancing with guys thr and bring them to ure hse ? woots . whad a ONS ! maybe you shuld be doing tht . you know i HATE to share . esp my GUY friends . budd still , you chose to take them away from me . NICE shot . i admire ure WILD-ness by using ure body to be friend with them . i can NEVER do that .

2006-04-16T01:13:00.000-07:00

friday , went swimming with pauline and cheryl . went to jurong thr de arx . keked . was rainning soo damn heavily . bud still , we went . saw alot ah beng sias . dumb kuku . got one sooo cute can? hahahs . he smile got dimple de . sooo deep . keked . was sitting thr to admire him . HAHAS! then he went beside us and sit . and then his friend came . and they was like looking at our direction . SUCKS ! i nearly faint . he soo cute . although NO one say so . hahahs . cus i was the only one saying tt . ths becus of his NOSE PIERCING , NICE TATTOO and HIS DIMPLE ! keked . perfect . he got all i wanted . hahhas . erms ? then he say . i look soo darn familar , bud cant rmb im who . i looked at him and say "erms?" ahhas . andden talked to cheryl they all . they continued their conversation . keked . they kept say . i look familar . and i was like sooooo SHY can? keked . then i told cheryl , if i can i want his num sias . keked . lame nors . then his friend say . take num ~ . then they keep di siao me . SUCKS ! then , we three stand up and walked away . i regretted wearing WHITE can? ahahs . i stand up . then the wave blush me again . then become transparent liaos . they WEETS ~ . hai me run away . sucks . hahahas . anyway , i ENJOYED !

sucks . i've got nothing to say bout saturday . I MISS LIPING !

2006-04-13T03:36:00.000-07:00

had a big tiff with tt karim again .
she sucks can ? i've already make it very clear , i'll NOT apologise ,
but still , she wants me to . i got soo fed up , she chsed me out of class .
and i just went out . called my mum again . im soo tire of this can ?
sooo tire of life and sku . -sigh-
had a msg conversation with pris today .
well , i told her everything i diisliked abt her . and she told me too .
-sigh- i dont know whad to say .
i got this image in my mind . everyone ihs leaving me . im left alone .
everyone just hacked me and continued with their stuff .
i killed myself , yet noone knew .
sigh . maybe thats the truth bar . im real tire . soo tire tt i can no longer hold on anylonger .
i miss him . in the past , he'll always be there for me . even if he reprimand me , i still feel his care . but now . he got another girl by his side . waiting for him to love and pamper . and im sure he LOVEs her . its impossible i'll get him back .

so tire so tire of life .
just let me take a rest .

2006-04-12T06:09:00.000-07:00

oh well , im not in gudd mood today . in a damn hell fuk up mood .
reached home in the morning abt 4am . thanks des ~ <33333 you much much .
and im real tire and fed up ler . reached sku at arnd 7plus .
darn fuk tire . budd still , managed to hide everything infront of friends .
had fun during flag raising with wenice BABIIE and MINKI twinny . oh great .
budd i guess , im too much luhs . i talked and laughed sooo LOUDLY .
vp mdm tong had to scream my name RIGHT in the mike "sunshine right"
SUCKS . i was like ,, soo darn paisehs . and thks her for her NAGGINGs which make me nearly went crazy . im soo "sorrie" for my rude behaviour can ? sucks . you think i'll apologise ?
nahs . i duh think you guys are helping me . becus im having a hard time in sku .
i think after flag raising . NOTHING went smooth .
went back to class . was having maths lesson then . mrs ong says me .
oh well , im still amused and not angry by her words . maybe its becus i know she joking .
andden had chem , mdm fuking ow came in , used fone right in her face , wasnt trying to show off or whad , i just HATE to hide things under table . and she asked me to keep , you know i LOVE to rebel , she wants to CONFISCATE my phone , budd i dint give in . i duh think she deserve to even hold my phone . oh yarh s?
went to recess after that . was feeling aight . kinda high for the nxt lesson . budden thanks mr ong for spoiling it . he asked me to run here and thr . he delibaretly MAKE me pai seh infront of everyone in the canteen . -sigh- im really angry . i got sooo fed up by EVERY teachers . i called my mum and asked her to bring me home . i duh wana tolerate it . budd she still sided with teachers . she thinks im wrong . she thinks im dumb to say i duh wanna study any more . she thinks im getting crazy by standing up for my own rights . she thinks im acting tough . bud wye ? -sigh- i cried and shouted in canteen ~
had mt lesson after that , i guess , throughout the day , mt ihs the most peace de .
had MS KARIM lesson . and fuk her . i used phone . YES i do . and i KNOW im WRONG . she always against me . she always doing that . she thinks im rude . she accuse me , she shout at me . she depise me . she complains bout me . and godd , i had enough of today . i toleratew no more . im sooo angry . i shouted at her . i said out everything i hated about her . i told her i wont respect her . i told her i wont ans her . i told her she's the cause of it, she FORCE me to have the thinking of quiiting sku , i told her , she's the one who make me feel so bad inside , i told her i NEVER like her , i told her i'll NEVER apologise to her becus i duh think she deserve it . and i told her I HATE her . -sigh- im getting worry now , whad will happen tml ? oh godd ~ bless me . tire of it . im afraid i might just go bersek infront of all teachers . im afraid to visit the imh again . im afraid to be sent thr . becus of depression. im sooo stress up .

TIRE OF LIFE .
if death is the only solution to solve all problems ,
i'll be the first to approach it .

2006-04-10T03:26:00.000-07:00

oh well ,, i've got a big sucky attitude today .
nearly everyone near me got scolded by me .
dont ask me wye i've got such attitude . im not sure .
im just feeling fed up and fuk up at the moment .
so irritated by EVERYONE around me . i dont know wye ..
and i guess , if this goes on , everyone gonna leave me .
lets take pris for an example bahs .
i dont know whad happened between us . something just get missing .
and the bond between us got sooo fragile , tt i fear it might just break someday .
thks to her blank moment of eyes . i really getting tire of the movement of her eyes .
the way she looked at me when im talking is like , as if she doesnt have any trust .
and the way she talk SUCKS , she changed sooo much after she spent the time with me .
maybe , im the one who changed her bahs .. -sigh-
she asked me to stop scolding vulgarities . and i duhno wye i just cant pay attention to it ,
to others , i wunt do it , bud to you .. i dont know wye . maybe its because of the way she behave infront of me .
you know your everything just changed lyke a wind . changed sooo fast . when i cant even feel it .
haas . maybe it a wrong choice you made , you should have listen to those who asked you to leave me far far away . maybe ure life will be better with good girls like jenny and fion . unlike me - this rotten ass .
im tire of the things you're doing , the words coming out from ure mouth , the movement of ure eyes , the trust tts fading away .
you might say im sensitive , budd can you feel inside me ? nahs . you cant .. you dont understand me . YOU DONT ! i've changed soo much , do you realise ? i became soo aggresive , soo dependant , soo violent , i talk like no ones care , i speak like everyone owes me a living . yes? do you realise ? -sigh-
im beginning to lose trust and confidence in everything , i feel soo lonely in heart . my heart turns cold . i dont know who else i can turn to except you . but WHY do you have to break the trust ? -sigh-
you know wye i drifted soo far apart ? because i dont feel loved by you as befor .
in the past , i could feel the warmth carried by you as a sister . bud now , i feels cold .
since you hated me soo much , wye dont you say it infront of me , dont speak behind me will you ?
you know i hate it sooo much .. you think i'll change just because you speak behind me ? NAHS !
i wunt , cus i duhno whad i did . YES , i maybe a lil bomb when i speak . budd wunt you correct me instead of giving me a sight like " dont say much , i dont wanna listen "
you're siding others instead of me , even you know when they're wrong . -sigh-
enough of this , soo tire ... soo lost .. amazed by all the words you said behind .
you make me feel soo disgusted . began to hate myself .. hate you , hate EVERYONE ..

2006-04-08T23:06:00.000-07:00

keked . sooo long dint blog liao luhs .
SUCKS ! visited cantonment on o6o4 .
NB , waste my time only . go thr then sign one paper can go off liaos .
Lucky still got darling acc me and my mama ,, haas .
went to si bei lor pray pray . then ,, me and darling qiu qian .
oh well ,, im proud to say , i got a medium one , darling got a medium one too (:
lalals . then,, after tt , me and darling went to kbox , asked miko along too .
we were behaving like babarian inside , shouting and screaming !
godd , budd shag luhs . SUCKS !
- SKIP FRIDAY -
ystd , went to sku to attend C.I.P programme .
we dint do any donation can ? we went to ktv located at somerset , beside cine de .
keked . went crazy too x) !
keked . oh well , after tt , went to hougang to return tt bloody thing which make me fuking sweaty and tire .
went home to change afterward , rushed to cine ~ met partner lingling and mummy xueling , lianster ah chun , rainee , dennis , calvin they guys . although i feel kinda childish with them , budd still i enjoyed .
on the way in to cine , at entrance thr , demonic doll - cheryl called me , SUCKS !
they sooo many ppl sias . make me ps - RAH !
erms ? the saw joanne with jasper and his stead and caijing they girls .
oh well , they're FRIENDLY :)
pris they all came . they kinda pek chek me ars . cus i wanna CHIONG .
kakas . then ps them . tralalals .
budden in the end , they pei me go MU . budd they dint went in ...
only me and rainee and joanne went in . summore ihs HIONG in de sias .
the manager ihs joanne fren de father . budden can only go in half an hr . haas .
im diff , i can go in till anytime , cus i got ic liaos =x
then they was asked to go out when i was at 7eleven buying drink ,
hai me must run all the way back thr to pass them the key to open the lock to get their bag ,
SORRIE girls , i dint meant to ps you >.<)
went in and dance with joey sis they all , they're NICE !
then , when techno song all like fuck sias , i dun like the new dj ,
cus the song he played all i duhno de . summore alot ppl oso duhno . -puke-
so it was like kinda bored ! then whern rnb start , i got excited . haas . although some i duhno the song ,
budden when song i knew was playing . joey sis and me was like MAD can ?
we danced like no one care . haas . then feng sis de fren oso another one .
bluff me say ihs beer , hai me drink one mouth vomit out , then they force me to drink finish tt small cup .
budd the capacity was like , 1litre to me luhs . VOMIT like fuk ystd ,
haas . anyway , i ENJOYED myself ystd ..

repsaj -,
sad by the sight of you and ure stead ? nahs , im already use to the life without you ..
i've FORGOTTEN you , you perished in my memories .

2006-04-05T03:16:00.000-07:00

erms ? took bus 133 home today .
-sigh- was listening to mp3 . and saw a sight i never wish to see .
i saw him and his new gf , they dint saw me as i was sitting right at the back .
and they went up cus the bus ihs doubledecker de . im lucky luhs .
then , i duhno wye . as the bus go , my heart sink real deep .
i could hardly breathe . and the rains fall and my tears drop . like a movie hurs ?
budd im kinda serious abt this . i duhno what the fuk im thinking can .
i rack back all the memories we once had . the love , the hugs , the kisses . iLOVEhim sooo much .
-sigh- and this is what i gt in return . maybe since the start , i shouldnt have know him . i brought myself sooo much hurts . i cnt take it can ? -sigh-
i cnt stop myself from thinking much . -sigh- iMISShim .
and fuk myself . i missed my stop luhs . i sat all the way till serangoon north .
then i realise . and took bus back again .
walked under the rain . and cried sooo hard . i want him back can ? -sigh-
to exchange a 100 hr of work to have him for 1hr , i WILLING to . really .
i wanna have his arms arnd me again . his kisses on my lips and the soft words in my ear .
i want him and i really want . -sigh- bud its impossible i guess .
all i could do ihs to hold back the memories .
HUBBIE ! i miss you (: -sigh-
nearly banged by car today while crossing the road downstair my hse today after getting off the bus . thankies to tt mayflower sec girl who hold me back and shouted at me . she's nice . she saved me . budd i gguess at the wrung time .

# a changed me
-shine-

2006-04-04T03:49:00.000-07:00

you know whad .
i know a few ah gua luhs .
they're all SOOO fuking chio and got a fuking good fig can ?
i cant believe it nahs . and i enjoyed it so much having fun with them on sat .
and i thanks them for the accompanion when im sooo down can ?
they're the MOST WONDERFUL friends i've know for 1 DAY ! and i seriously duh wanna lost contact with them . so whad if they're ah gua ? they're good friends . they can be a fuking nice girlfriend can . SUCKS ! and thks liping for tt friend of yours nars . had a wonderful bike ride . oh godd . and thks URE EVERYTHING ! i miss you guys nahs ! haas .
left 2 days liaos and i have to report baq to cantonment . i fuk them can . thks elyn for ure statement tt maybe fuking land me in deep shit . and thks you for saying tt i spread ure rumours . and fuk it i hadnt been gg clubbing ever since i got into this deep fuking case . oh godd . i forgot you're a big asshole ! with no brain . saying some words you think you're RIGHT when you're FUKING wrung . and thks PRIS for ure concern . just speak the truth manx . duh fuking help her . and pls mind ure words . cus YOUR EVERY WORD may put me into a JAIL anytime you see . nvm . no use BEGGING , i'll depend on myself . and if i have to go in ,, its fated luhs . kei pa lan , whu ask me be such big DUMBO ! shitholes .

-shine-

2006-03-31T19:21:00.000-08:00

had a misunderstanding with pris again .
she tot i ps-ed her . BUDD i really NEVER !
i have to go down yishun . and i duhno how to explain it .
oh well , when will all this end ? -sigh-
its like . im kinda lonely can .
suddenly lose 1 buddy .
-sigh-
well ,, ystd had a chat with zhibing .
dialled wrung num , and called wugui ,
-sigh-
tears rolled down can .
hais . wye all these things come in one time .
-sigh- i never want all this to happen .
and i guess i can never take it .
im getting fragile as each day pass .
-sigh- i've got soo much soo much thing to be done
well ,, duh take me for grunted anymore . willl you peeps ?
its hurts sooo much can ? -sigh-
i guess you will NEVER know .
i HATE SKU !
i HATE LIFE !
i HATE YOU !
i HATE EVERYTHING !
-sigh-

2006-03-30T04:49:00.000-08:00

hmms ? oh well .. i had a fuking hard time in sku today .
i dont know wye . i talked craps to them ~
-sigh- i duhno wye . the feeling thr no longer thr .
my words spoke to them have doubt .
its like ~ wye does all this happen ?
oh SHIT ! -sigh-
1 night , i lose 2 guys .
1 night , i lose 1 buddy
whad am i suppose to do .
maybe you hate me now . but ,, i really mean no harm .
girl , if one day you understand me ,, pls lemme noe .
i'll really be fuking happy to knw .
i guess since the very start , you should have followed some goodie girl instead of me .
i dragged you down to deep shit . and i guess we'll fade away bit by bit .
i cherish you and i really do ~ you're the EVER first girl friend i tried to hold on to .
and this sisterhood mean fuking much to me . my life will never be complete without you .
and im real happy to see you having a stable partner and stable friendship with fio ~
work hard . change ~ be a better girl . study hard .
if im really gone one day . MISS me ~

-shine-

2006-03-28T18:34:00.000-08:00

student shuld be in sku now luhs .
budd i dint go sku . SUCKS !
i duhno wye i lose all interest in studying ~
i duhno wat i want .
sku teacher turn me off .
i hate to see the sight of them .
its like ~ ohwell .
they're lyke another hypocrite acting infront .
sigh *
why am i thinking this way? sigh ~
like were never the same again .
nt happy anymore .
im losing ppl 1 by 1
EVERYONE is trying to harm me in everyway they can .
even the one whom i trusted the most .
embrace me with ure sweet hug . dear .
i need you . hais .
whad to do ? well ,, ppl have good friends .
i duhab ~ they speak behind my back .
they stab me . they betray me .
how many one would knw the feeling ,
NAHS ! none . if they would . they wouldnt do it .
SUCKS ! im afraid i couldnt take it anymore .
fuking under depression now .
im NO LONGER a BABY ! just leave me alone .
i NEED time to calm myself down .

2006-03-28T02:48:00.000-08:00

haas . 3 days dint blog ler right?
cus com down luhs .
soo much thingy happen can ?
-sigh-
lets talk abt today bar .
had a quarrel with prisci 'tata .
its becus i heard the conversation she had with the girls .
haas . GOSSIP ? well ,, im finally the target you girls pick .
so fast and furious . im FUK UP and bitchy hurs ?
haas . such a good friends i have .
well ,, everyone changed . even the bond between us .
its getting weaker . maybe each time i talk to you , i sound like a bitch .
tts why you're hating me more and more each day .
-sigh-
i treasure you once , and im treasuring you FOREVER .
did i ever told you ,, you're my ever first girl - friend i trusted ~
i cherish the sisterhood bond in between us . and i cherish you to the fuking max .
i duh wana lose you . budd i duh understand why we drifted so far apart .
i guess im the one whu changed you . the one whu landed you in this deep shit .
blame me for all you want . i duh wanna quarrel . bud ..
i have to say out those words . i really cnt tahan ler . i really duh wana lose such good friend .
or rather ,, i shuld say ,, i duh belong in ure world ~ -sigh-
you changed i changed EVERYONE changed .
nt the cheesecake and tiramisu again .
im getting tire of it . sick of it and even wanna throw it all away .
i duh understand wye each fren come near me , they'll change to more lian .
am i the cause of it ? am i the one whu make them change ? -sigh-
im sure i am . get back to ure world ,, i'll disappear if you want me to .
budden trust me ,, i'll always rmb ure existence in my life .

- ONCE SISTER , FOREVER SISTER -

2006-03-24T23:55:00.000-08:00

Well .. went tO town with miko ' tata ystd evening ..
met up with her boyfriend at his and her working place .
kakas . they duh seems to be working there .
instead . i feel that they're slacking there can ? hahas
her bf look a lil cute and a lil mature . ahahas .
they look so compatiable can ? kakax .
after that . we went to cine to have our dinner .
and saw ling and dennis there with rainee and 2 more guys .
oh well . hahahs ..
after tt i went dwn to rush with them . and im damn bad to ps miko ' tata .
im real SORRIE ! hurhuhs .
we went down soo early can ? hahahs . and NO one ihs in there . hahas .
i took the chop for entrance and rainee oso took . budden ling cant .
she still got 3 more mths b4 she turn 16 . rahh ! hahas .
hmm ? lucky got daryl pei her . if not ,, sure BORED de . hahas .
DARYL IS A DAMN FUKING GOOD GUY !
hahahs . he help me carry my bag for the whole fuking night can . hahah s.
oh yarhs . we clubbed in rush for 1 hr luhs . and went baq to cine at 3 .
WALK BACK aight ~ fuking hot ~
hahahs . and thks DARYL ! he carry my bag , help me fan then still entertain me .
weeweets ~ hahas . then reach cine jiu slack and play arnd .
kevin was there too . they got a morning jog at cine luhs . funny nahs ~
hahahs . esp . CALVIN ! he laugh like a kid . oh godd ~
sooo CUTE ! hmm ? then i took a short nap there . kakax .
hmm ? after tt . they tio tai ji there . SIANS ~
with siao de ppl . hahas . they sooo fierce sias . hai us gotta leave CINE . cb ~
then its like . they aiming de ihs FEI lors . whyy drag us dwn .
and its like fei ang kong siao scare them . kaox . hahahs .
ystd . depression sias . alot ppl sad leis . humphf ~
hahahs . and LING and RAINEE damn bastard .
keep di siao me and daryl . say we look like cOuple .
take bag only mahs . kaox . then talk nia . jiu must become couple .
kakas . aight luhs . i kinda admire him . he got a mature thinking .
a good good boy ~ hahas =x .
EVERYONE took mrt home . and pushed me to take bus with him ! RAH !
so .. daryl and me took BUS home . godd ~ he sooo sweet can . hahahs .
at cine lan shop tt time . i soo cold . he took out his jacket lemme wear sias . hahahs .
hmm ? at bus . he ask me take a nap furst if im tire . hahas =x
godd . budden i dint ! and his hand ihs sooo WHITE . and his finger SOOO long .
SO NICE . oh man . had a comparsion ~ and my hand look sooo UGLY !
humphf ! oh well .. how i wish at that moment , time would stop there for me .
wanna compare his hand with my hand and hold it real tight luhs . HAHAHS !
if can . i want lie on his shoulder leis =X . hahahs . cnt be blame luhs .
he really tooo good ler . if he can be abit more hyper , i BELIEVE he ihs EVERY good girls DREAM guy ~ . wahahahhass .
I WANT HIM To BE MINE ! and ONLY MINE ! =x impossible luhs .
still in my dream ~ kakax

-shine -

2006-03-23T06:06:00.000-08:00

yarhs ~
im in such fuking bad mood today .
or should i say . since the start of this year .
i've never been in good mood .
and after having that bloody hell case ,,
everything about me worsen can ?
ohahahas . my attitude became fuk up .
the way i talk became fuk up .
the way i treat ppl became fuk up .
and that fuking hell cause EVERYONE to leave me .
and thanks godd for creating GOOD FRIENDS .
when NONE stayed put when troubles come .
yaya . blame always goes round and round .
HARSH reality make me realise NONE is true
even the closest to me MIGHT be the one stabbing me from behind .
you meant the world to me and i protect you from harm . HAHAS .
fuk it man . im just too stupid to do all this .
shouldnt had gave you the thinking that when troubles come , i'll always be there .
SHITHOLES ~
STOP putting an act infront like a hypocrite when you knw im dumb .
yayarhs . i gave all of you a chance to lie infront of me , backstab me , speak evil of me . and cause me to lose my everything .
yarhs .~ its all my fault . i caused all this . blame me ~ im just too dumb to have FRIENDS like this ~

-shine-